Have you ever had one of those moments when you wish were you doing a better job at everything? I had one of those moments today. I have them on a very regular basis-probably daily. I know that that little voice telling me I am a big slacker is not the one I should be listening too. At least not to the point that I beat myself up. You know the voice that says you can do more because I have given you these talents to use for good? . .That wasn't the voice I was listening. I was listening to the "you slacker!" voice. It is never a good thing to listen to that voice. . .
It started when we were reading our scriptures tonight. Just a couple of hours ago actually. We have decided to do better about reading our scriptures as a family (and when I say do better, I mean start doing it again. . .I am hearing the little voice as I type this. . . s l a c k e r. . .). We are going to read the Book of Mormon together as a family and Jake and I are going to read the Old Testament for school. That made me nervous because the Old Testament is pretty intense. Isaiah. . .Need I say more? It is hard to understand and it really makes me want to pull out Jake's Old Testament Stories book and call it good. But he is 12 now (a Deacon!. . .More on that another day), and I need to do better than that. We need to do more than just read the Old Testament. We need to study and "feast up on the word". So, I went to lds.org and looked up the Old Testament. Up popped a timeline of the Old Testament (I should have remembered this from Seminary but I didn't) and that is when that little voice said: "Slacker." Actually I added that part just now. . .It really said: "You studied ancient history last year. Why didn't you study the Old Testament then and tie it all together?" Then I thought about how I totally dropped the ball on that one and that about a million other things. The downward spiral of pity started to take hold, but then I decided not to go there and do better.
Actually I decided to come and blog (this is for all intents and purposes my journal. . .that is another place I need to do better. Don't judge me people.) about it so I could get out of my head. Writing about it so next time I get that "slacker!" feeling I can, in theory, come here and remember that letting it go and moving forward is much more productive. No one is perfect. We are all far from it. It's not just me. We have an example of perfection to strive for and eternity to work toward it! Remember that future me and posterity!
I wish I was better at everything! Who doesn't? But I am blessed to be able to be a stay-at-home-mom-teacher-cook-housekeeper-nurse-etc. and I can't do it all. I can barely do any of it some days so why make it hard on myself by adding "feeling like a slacker" to the list?! Maybe, just maybe, Heavenly Father wants us to study the Old Testament this year for a reason. That is a much more likely explanation than I am a slacker.
One more thing. . .That rambling may not have made any sense to you but it made me feel much better. Job done. :)