Brain Declutter: On being 37...so far...

  *Today was my 37th birthday and I am feeling kind of blahhhhh...Not because it is my b-day and I turned an odd number (which I am not a fan of), but because I am having my period. I am sorry if that is too much information but it is my blog and if you are here reading this than you are most likely used to me "keeping it real".  I feel yucky.  I have for the past 2 days.  Lower back pain and cramps.  Heating pad and Ibuprofen, and it only helps a little kind of pain.  I have to admit I had to work really hard not to be really grumpy today and even then I am not sure I was doing

 "happy" all that convincingly.  Having PCOS is a strange thing.  I feel like I complain when I don't have my period and then I really complain when I do. 

*I am back in the having a hard time falling asleep phase again.  Some sorry, sad, soul told me I could be going through "the change".  I admittedly wanted to punch them because I am not that old.  I just can't relax.  I cannot turn my brain off when I get into bed, which is interesting because I am sure there are a lot of people who

wonder why I don't turn it on during the day. 

*We went to the library today to sign up for the summer reading program.  Jake couldn't sign up downstairs in the kid section this year.  We had to go upstairs to the teen section...?  He is 11 going on 12.  Downstairs they had a "tween" sign up.  I figured 11 would fall into that category.   Apparently, the definition of teen has changed to rising 7th graders.  I am not sure I was ready to here that I have a "teenager" on today of all days: my period pained, odd numbered birthday....

 *As I was trying to sleep fall asleep I started to formulate my plan.  I am going to try REALLY hard to lose 10 pounds every month until my b-day next year.  I am not giving any more details than that, because inevitably people trying to be helpful will say things like "I made dessert, but I know you won't want to eat it since you are on a diet", in front of other human beings that already know I am fat and that I should be on a diet.  There is a very fine line between helpful and hurtful when you are fat and trying to lose weight.  I want everyone to ignore me and let

 me do my own thing on this journey.  When I am ready I will say more.  Until then, carry on as usual...

*Our mouse trap caught 2 more mice in the past 24 hours bringing our grand total is up to 7.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  And I wonder why I can't sleep, as I think about the fact that if a mouse can get in, so can a snake that is stalking it.  I am afraid to go into the kitchen and now laundry room.  I try to make Sadie go with me and Jake is the official filler of the washer and dryer.  He brings it to me in another

 room and I fold it.  I am not going to lie and say I put it away.  That is a downfall of mine.  Aaron asked why we didn't just get rid of our dressers and get a couple more laundry baskets.  I know he said it out of frustration while searching for socks, but I think he is on to something there...

*While I am 37 I am going to try to not be so deathly afraid of snakes.  I have been praying for it, but I have to admit I have been very specific with Heavenly Father that I DO NOT want it to happen through having to have an encounter with a snake...or snakes.  I want to
just feel comforted that there are no snakes when I am out in the backyard-or if there is it is okay because they aren't going to come near me (unlike the dumb snake in the tree over our porch or the one in the big lake that choose to swim right by us--RUDE!!!).  I want to not have to think about them every time I go outside.  I want to get over this fear/obsession that has gotten worse lately.  I have been praying and letting Heavenly Father know that if I don't see a snake for a really long time (or ever again, if that could be arranged) that will help a lot.  This isn't like praying for patience and having to be patient-I don't want to get over it by seeing them all the time.  I am 100% sure that that would not help at all. 

 Aaron keeps joking about moving to Alaska because he likes a couple of shows about it.  I tell him there is no way I could go and live completely off the land (I wish I was that person so badly, but I know I am not), but I bet there aren't a whole lot of issues with snakes in Alaska...Is this the answer to my prayers?  Not a chance...

*I had to go on Facebook today to thank a ton of people who filled my email inbox with birthday wishes.  It is so nice of everyone, but I really don't get the appeal of Facebook...

 ...AT ALL!  And I keep wondering why everything is "# this" or "# that".  Can some one please tell me what that means?  Why does #, formerly known as "the number sign", go by "hash tag" now?  I don't have a smart phone so maybe that is why I don't know...

*It makes me sad when I am in public and I look around and everyone is looking at their smart phones.  Our society has now gone past always talking on there cell phones.  Now everyone stares at them....ignoring the people they are

 supposed to be friends with.  I don't get it.  I missed the Internet (because I couldn't vent, journal, or capture memories with out it) when we didn't have it but I survived.  People can't even survive from the car to door of where ever they are going to with out checking out the Internet on their phone.  What is so interesting? Is there really anything more interesting than watching your child run around at the park?  NO!!  Whenever we go people are on their phones while their 4 year old is trying to get their attention as they play.  It is pretty depressing. 

 *I took a Melatonin and keep expecting to get drowsy, but it isn't happening....

*It is a really good thing I love our dog because she is shedding like never before.  When we brush her we fill up a grocery bag.  Then we vacuum like crazy.  No matter how much we brush, there is fur coming out of her all.the.time.  No matter how often we vacuum, there is fur every where all.the.time.  I keep thinking we should be seeing bald spots, but it is as thick as every.  She is part Lab-a dog that can hold it's

own in the shedding department...And part whatever dog that sheds the most in the history of the world.  Seriously it is every where, at all times.  I am also starting to wonder if she is part cat.  Tonight I was laying on the couch and she laid down on the floor beside me.  I pet her for a few minutes and then she picks up her head, and does the groany, growly kind of thing, stares at me like I am really annoying her, and walks away and lays down somewhere else.  She was done with me petting her and left like a moody cat.  And she left a big ole' pile of her fur on the rug to boot!  It is a good thing I love her...

*Maybe I will be able to sleep now since I cleared out my brain...