Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Dear Bedroom,

It seems this will be the second day in a row we spend at least part of the day together.  I am sure you will notice there is not an exclamation mark at the end of that sentence, for good reason.  I'm not spending time with you for my enjoyment....You will remember I spent most of the day with you yesterday because I had a headache.  Some would call it a migraine, but I only call it that if any tiny amount of noise or light causes me to be on the verge of throwing up.  It wasn't that kind of headache but it was bad enough that the only thing that finally made it go away (after taking ibuprofen all day long) was a 44 oz Dr. Pepper and extra strength headache medicine...that also had caffeine in it.  The headache was gone but I then spent most of the night (until about 3:30 am...last time I checked) not being able to sleep, and that after taking a Tylenol PM...I was desperate.

Today I am escaping.  I started the day on my knees with a prayer in my heart that we would have a productive, meaningful, and heartwarming day of homeschooling.  Picture Snow White (with a twist) whistling while she works while she cleans and homeschools the 7 dwarfs.  Maybe it is because I am tired or maybe it is because Jake is slowly driving me insane, either way it has not ended up to be that kind of day...at all.  So, here I am spending some time with you again Bedroom.

My intentions were to get a good deal of math, science, IEW, and house work done, all the while laughing and enjoying spending time with Jake.  The day started off with me telling Jake to turn the TV off.  There was no need to have it on-we were going to eat breakfast and jump right into our wonderful day together!  I said it nicely, with a smile on my face, and the reaction was much negotiations and debate on how much better the day goes if Jake can watch TV first.  Some where along the way I have let Jake have a say in our daily routine, and I have created a monster.  EVERYTHING seems to be a topic up for negotiations and it makes me want to pull every hair out of my head, one at a time.

After the little squabble over turning the TV off we got back on track (and I made Jake go say his morning prayer so he would be on the same page as me and my plan for a harmonious day) and Jake got an hour of Khan Academy (math) done.  While he did that I read. YOu see Bedroom, I am supposed to set an example and be "studying" also.  That is what "they" say any way.  After he was done and felt good about accomplishing some things that just yesterday were tough for him, I decided to let him build for almost 45 minutes with Lego's (we have Lego Club on Thursday).  While he did this I cleaned the kitchen, dusted and vacuumed the living areas and got started on some laundry.  Ahhh...This plan of mine seemed to be coming along just fine!  I gave Jake the heads up that he had 2 minutes until we were going to do science together.  We were going to read part of the chapter together and I was going to teach him how to take notes that would be helpful when studying for a test, or just to refer back to in other chapters when he needed to refresh his memory.  You will notice, dear Bedroom, that I said I was going to.  It didn't happen and her I sit on my bed typing like a maniac about what just occurred....Not before I tidied you up a little though.  Nothing like a bed freshly made to make you feel like you have accomplished something!

You see, Jake had just finished his project when I was sitting down on the couch to curl up with the science book and bond over it with him.  Then Jake says, "Okay, I will be right there.  I am just going to fill up the sink and see if it floats (that is the theme this month.  Build something out of Lego's that floats)!"  I kindly told him we would test it after we did science.  To which he replied, "Come on.  It will only take 5 seconds!"  We went back and forth, and back and forth (again), and I told him he could do whatever he wanted because I was done and yes there were tears-on my part.  Sorry I slammed your door, but it does really make me feel better to have done it.  Jake has been to the door three times now saying he sorry and asking what he needs to be doing.  The thing is he is only really sorry when I get mad or upset, so I am going to let feel bad for a little while this time.  The first time he came to the door (he asked to come in but I said no) I told him whatever he wanted to do because I was tired of arguing about the things I would like him to do.  The second time I told him to try and figure it out-that he knows what he needs to be doing.  This last time I told him to find something to do.  Even through a closed door he wants to debate and have it his way.  After I told him to go away, I said it nicely I promise, I am just not ready to have the "do you want to go back to public school?  Do you know how good you have it?  Do you realize I am in charge!!!..." talk right now.  I am letting him sweat it.   I could just go out and talk it out but I am going to let him figure it out.  I had already told him the three main things we were going to work on today.  He is twelve.  I am hoping, praying, and dreaming, that by the time I am done typing this I will go out and find him actually doing something that could be mistaken for school.

I am tired, literally and figuratively.  I am tired of the whining every time we start school, move on to another subject, have to do a simple chore, or tell him he has to take a shower...!!!!...Hold on Jake is back at your door...Same question, plus can he have a snack added to the end of it.  He isn't going down with out a fight, but I will win this battle.  He will learn how lucky he is to be homeschooled.  That he can take initiative to do something (ANYTHING!) with out me telling him.  And when I do tell him it is time to do whatever I am telling him to do, he will do it willingly!!!!!!!  Bedroom is that too much to ask?!?!?  Also does it mean I really have lost it since I am venting to you?

Okay Bedroom!  Wish me luck.  I am going to say another prayer and go try again.  Please pray with me that I will find Jake reading a book or something, ANYTHING that I discussed earlier that we were going to be doing...or I might just pick up my keys and purse and run away! :)