Wednesday, March 31, 2010

What I have learned the past couple of months...(in no specific order)

1. That there is a big difference in internet that costs $39 a month and $20...we have the $20 internet...I am not a all.

2. I currently am not using a purse. I know it is a shock to those of you who know of my LOVE for bags of all shapes and sizes. But working at Bi-Lo and having 15 minutes to eat lunch has made me only carry the basics in my pockets...or pocket..I washed and dried my work pants with a piece of gum still in one pocket. It is never coming out! Drivers license,debit card, of course lip balm (my current favorite is Palmer's cocoa butter. It looks like a large glue stick and works like a charm), and a water bottle. I carry the water bottle-it doesn't fit in my pocket. While slightly freeing, it is not and will not ever be my ideal to leave home without my purse. It saves me 5 of my 15 minutes from having to go all the way to the back of store (where the break room is), fiddling with a locker to get my purse (or over night bag as Aaron likes to call it), going back to the front of the store, so I can go sit outside and a breath for a few minutes (the heat is still on in Bi-Lo..I have no idea why.) And then do it all again to make it back to clock in on time.

3. I now know for sure that blogging is not only great a way to keep in touch, but it is also very much a part of my sanity. So, I really will be making time for it. Like right now. I should be cleaning. But I am not. I am taking a moment for my sanity.

4. Emily was the best black lab ever. This deserves a post of its own, but it wasn't my intention to do this yet...But I need to let it out. Yes, I did say was...We had to put her to sleep on Monday March 15th. This is the shortest version I can give you...sorry for the rambling...On Thursday March 4th Emily threw up a couple times and was really moping around. We feed her rice over the weekend and she seemed to be a little better. Monday we took her on a walk. Tuesday we played ball with her. She seemed better but not great. Friday night I told Aaron I was going to take Emily to the vet on Monday and see what was going on. I slept on the couch and pulled her dog bed right next to it that night. All weekend she got worse. Sunday night after letting her out to go to the bathroom she could hardly make it up the steps to the front door. That night a neighborhood dog wouldn't stop barking and woke Jake up. I took him upstairs to sleep hoping it would be quieter. I went into the 2nd room upstairs and tried to fall asleep. I guess I did quickly (probably from being emotionally exhausted) because a few minutes later I heard Jake say "Mommy don't you hear Emily crying?" I went downstairs to find my sweet dog barely wanting to raise her head. I ended up laying on her dog bed with her the rest of the night and she kept crying every now and then and I just kept petting her and talking to her. We got up Monday morning and Jake was really tired but I got him ready for school and realized Emily wouldn't even get up to go out to the bathroom. She didn't even get up when Aaron left for school. My plan was to drop Jake off at school and take Emily right to the vet. But when I had to lift her into the Jeep I decided Jake had to come with me. It is really all a blur at the vets office. They did x-rays and an ultra sound. I called my parents balling and told them I would keep them posted. I tried to call my in-laws but they were both at work. I sent my mother in law a text because I knew she would know how I was feeling. I texted Aaron several times (he was at school all day, he told me later that day that when he left for school that morning he knew he wasn't going to see her again). Jake and I talked about what this all meant. I didn't really know what to do. I sat on the floor crying holding my big dog. Finally the vet told us she had cancer in her spleen and liver. The mass was so large that it had pushed her stomach up. We had to put her to sleep. We decided I would hold her while they did it and Jake was going to go out to the waiting room. They said they would give her a shot that would relax her and we could spend as much time with her as we needed. That plan backfired. They gave her the shot and she fought against its affects. She was trying to get up but had no control and it was heartbreaking. Jake said goodbye to his dog and the nurse took him out in the waiting room. I was a mess. I laid down on the floor and just held her. She was trying to lick my face but she couldn't even open her jaw. They finally came to give her the shot that would put her to sleep. It was so peaceful. I told her it was okay, that we would miss her but it would be okay. I felt her spirit leave the room. I felt relief that she wasn't in pain, but shock because this happened so fast. When we left the vet with Emily in the trunk in a box, Jake was comforting me. Telling me that Heavenly Father must really need her in Heaven for something since he took her home when she was only 5 1/2. How pitiful am I that my 8 1/2 year old was comforting me? We ran home so I could change. I had Emily slobber all over me...And then we headed down to Spartanburg to bury her with all of the other well loved family dogs in Aaron's parents backyard. (Daisy is actually buried in Pisgah National Forest...but don't tell anyone because I am pretty sure it is against the law, but we love it there). Thanks again to the vets who never even met us before but took great care of our sweet Emily and us. Jake thought it was amazing that the vet hugged me when we left. And thanks Matt (Aaron's little brother) and the girl Erin (his wife) for digging the grave for us before we got there. I don't think I could have done it. So, the dog beds (yes beds...she had 2 store bought ones and 2 others I made her out of pillows and Jake's room (we really called it Jake and Emily's room because she slept in his room every night) and the living room were the nice ones. And in the sun room and our bedroom were the ones I made for her. The one in our room was under my desk. She was my blogging buddy. Yes she was spoiled, I know.)are in the basement and her food (I thought maybe a change in dog food had made her sick initially. We had 2 1/2 large bags of different food because of this) was given to friends, and I keep finding her tennis balls. We did bury her with her favorite one-the dirtiest one. And now for the first time since we got Daisy as our first wedding anniversary gift to each other (we have been married 12 1/2 years), we are with out a furry four legged companion...and it makes me sad. I can't tell you how many people have told me they aren't huge dog lovers but if they could have a dog like Emily they would get one ASAP. I guess if you are a dog that is probably the best compliment you can get. Unconditional love is what dogs give you. Emily treated me like I was the most important human in the world. I regret the times I got annoyed that she followed me every where. I wish she still did. She loved Jake like he was her baby. Whenever I said Emily where is your boy she would go find Jake. Although sometimes she did run to the door, thinking I said ball! She respected Aaron as her pack leader. She was an amazing dog. I will miss her until I see her again. And I will. Until then I am going to try and be a better person. A quote I heard once keeps going through my mind. "I am trying to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am."