Frustration is...

...finding out your old landlord never turned the utilities back into his name like he said he would and we just found this out nearly 3 months later.  Our friends that moved into the house the middle of May (not quite a month and a half after we moved out), came back from vacation to no water today and the gas is going to be turned off on Monday.  And we now have it on our credit that we didn't pay our (not really ours but the companies don't know that) utilities for 3 months.  Awesome. Okay, I vented and now I will get over it...

The good, the bad, and the ugly...and even uglier.

The Good:  I lost 8.4 pounds in 9 days.  I signed up for Weight Watchers.  :)  But I am probably going to have to stop going already because of "the bad" and "the ugly".

The Bad:  I went to get our prescriptions today (Aaron's insurance for his new job kicked in) and found out that we have to pay for them (100%-not a co-pay) until we reach our deductible...which is $6000.  If you are wondering if I put too many 0's that is six thousand dollars.  The inhaler I use to control my asthma costs $250.  Jake's asthma/allergy pill costs $110.  Those are the only ones I got today.  His inhaler costs $130ish-luckily he has some of his other left so we can wait for the next paycheck for that one.  Awesome. (If you are wondering if we can afford it the answer is NO.  Who could?! That is almost $500 a month!!!!)  Oh, I forgot I did pay $4 for the medicine I take for my PSOC.  The one medicine that I could stop taking because it doesn't help me breath or anything really important....that is the one that is $4. :)

The Ugly: They faces I was making in the car, in the parking lot of Target...while people were walking by, as I was bawling my eyes out.  I am sure it was not pretty.

And even uglier: finding out why my inhaler costs so much money.  It turns out, according to an insurance agent (...I talked to while trying to find different insurance...assuming we can even drop Aaron's work insurance...which we probably can't), that was offering me insurance that isn't major medical (Jake and I will have to pay LOTS of $$ for private insurance since we have a preexisting condition) we can get our medicine for free with them.  Does that sound too good to be true to you, because it does to me.  They will send us forms that we can then fill out and send to the people that make the medicine.  All we have to do is tell them we don't have insurance and we can get it for free!  I asked them if it would be lying since we would if we got insurance from them and they told me no.  They said "No it is a loophole.  You have insurance that doesn't cover it so it is like you don't have insurance".  Huh?....Nope that is lying to get something for free.  And that my friends is why people like me have to pay $250-to make up for all the people that cheat the system and get it for free.

Welcome to the new norm in America.  I heard on the news that Obama is trying to bypass the Congress to let people on welfare get more money for doing things like running their own errands, cleaning their house, and writing in a journal.  Come again?!  I do those things because I am an adult and that is what I am supposed to do.  I don't want the government to pay me for it and I would really love it if they stopped paying people to be slackers.  I said it.  Mitt said it too and I am so glad he did.  I am sad that more people aren't happy he did.  People need to wake up and start worrying a little more about what is happening to our country and less about if talking about it is politically correct.

Frustration is...(a short list)..Followed by a serious change in perspective...

1.)...trying to buy a house in short sale. The whole term "short sale" is misleading.  Now I know it is referring to the fact that the bank is going to let the seller sell the house for less than they owe and call it good.  So they are "short" what they need to pay off the mortgage.  Obviously there is a bunch of paperwork and things like that but you would think that the bank would be ready to get rid of it. The poor sellers of "our house" are a few days a way from foreclosure-LITERALLY.  We are trying to do them, the bank, and us a favor (we get it for a great deal-they don't go into foreclosure, the bank doesn't have to give it away!) by buying it!!!  We even upped our offer so we thought the bank would jump on it!!!  We were supposed to hear on Tuesday.  Aaron keeps reminding me we have supposed to have heard from them several times and haven't so why am I surprised that we didn't hear this time?

Homeschooling is hard...That is my excuse for not blogging.

I knew it would be-don't get me wrong.  I just hoped we would have it all figured out by now...but we don't.  I know it is what we are supposed to be doing.  (I keep telling myself that when Jake is driving me crazy. :) ).  I have to admit: I heard the bus go by last week and wondered if I could chase it down and make them take him with them...But that was for one brief moment and then I was reminded that we are doing what we are supposed to be doing.

I had a plan.  We were going to follow the Thomas Jefferson Leadership Education style of homeschooling...But I wimped out.  I still want to because it makes so much sense: to teach Jake the love of learning again.  Some where a long the way that gets lost in the conveyor belt that is our public education system....But it is SOOOO much harder than I thought letting that system go.  It is in grained in me that we  must go chapter by chapter in a book that teaches exactly what they are supposed to learn for the test at the end of the year...That isn't a true education.  That is teaching for a test-one of the many problems with our school systems and one of the reasons we decided to leave it.  I want Jake to study the things that interest him, so that he wants to study even more because he loves learning...I guess that part takes a while and we are not there yet...Especially since we are pretty much on the conveyor belt just at home...

We had a break through day last Monday.  We started really early and got done what we "had to do" and moved on to celebrating Aaron's birthday.  (Yep-that's right I have been so preoccupied that I didn't even post about it birthday...Happy b-day Aaron!...)  We had to run an errand and in the process we decided to surprise Aaron and clean out  his Jeep.  Because homeschooling had gone so great it was exciting to be doing this little unplanned act of service with out murmuring.  There has been a lot of murmuring going on lately in our house..."Do I have to do that right now?"..."No I haven't finished started reading my book club book yet" (even though it was a book he loved and choose himself and he has read like 5 other books instead...)..."Can't we just take the day off?".  I have to admit I have threatened, daily on occasion, to send him back to regular school the VERY NEXT DAY if he doesn't focus, stop complaining, and JUST DO IT!!!!!  Yes, I am the one murmuring right now...

I know that this is what we are supposed to be doing.That is my new mantra.   And yes I will admit: for every bad day there is an amazing day too.  We all have had head colds this past week so it was a LONG week.  We didn't get everything done we needed too...But the world didn't come to an end and there is still time to cram it all down Jake's throat another day. :)  Just kidding...I think...

The good part of the struggle is that I have had to rely more on the Holy Ghost (to remind me that I really do like my child.  I love him, but on occasion it is a little more difficult to like him...).  I have felt that peace reminding me that I can do this, because this is what Heavenly Father wants me to be doing and he doesn't give us anything in our lives that we can't handle...I keep telling myself that and when I forget to tell myself that the still small voice reminds me.  It has made me be even more excited than I usually am for General Conference, because there are specific questions I have, that I am anxiously awaiting guidance on.  I know that I will be comforted and hear exactly what I need to hear-because I always do during Conference.  It is a great reminder that the Lord is mindful of me and my family. 

Is homeschooling a walk in the park? Nope.  But maybe taking a walk in the park would help...Can we do this? Yes.  Will we kill each other in the process?  I hope not. :)

For posterities sake...and my sanity.

I thought back on the week and realized there were a couple things I need to document so in 20 years I can look back and realize it wasn't as bad as it seemed at the time. Also, so my posterity can look back and say "Yep she was just as crazy as we thought she was." Just kidding. Hopefully they won't say that, but I do need to jot this down so I remember how I felt and I can look back and learn from it. Consider this to be a journal entry and ignore it if you don't want to read my blues...

To my future self and Posterity,

Remember a couple of posts back when I posted the mean email Jake's 4th grade teacher sent the whole class? Well, it's got nothing on the 2 she sent me personally. I will not post them here because it would be to lengthy. You will stumble across them somewhere in my file cabinet. It will be the file marked: "I only forgive these people because Heavenly Father is making me." (That is a joke, and very irreverent I know but I am just keeping it real and saying how I am feeling at this very moment. In a few days I will probably feel the same way...I mean be over it. Can anyone tell me how you do that cool thing where you type something and then make a line through it and then type something else? That would be extremely useful for me...) Any who, she sent an email to me saying Jake should have talked to her about an assignment before he left school on Thursday early...because he had to go to the doctor and wasn't feeling well. (He has some kind of a bug bite on his neck that has caused all the glands on that side to swell and be hard as a rock. It hurts to turn his head and he is now on what the pharmacist called, and I quote, "a whale of a dose". It is a dose usually reserved for adults, but the doctor felt we really needed to treat as if it is Lyme's Disease to be on the safe side. The pharmacist even called and spoke directly to the doctor to verify it was indeed the right dose...Fun times people! The poor kiddo has to take a HUGE horse pill twice a day for 14 days. We will get the lab work back next week, which I am sure will verify it isn't Lyme's Disease, but better safe than sorry...Back to the email). I was upset due to her poor choice of words, I read it to Aaron (it was his long day so I read it to him over the phone on his way from school to work..), we agreed on our response, and I hit the send button. (Again to long to post here...especially since this is already long enough...) I waited, checked my emails, waited some more, and then checked again...This went on until I finally hit the sack. When I woke up in the morning I figured I would check one more time...and there it was. A long, nasty, and critical email back. Critical (in a mean way) of MY CHILD. I pointed out in my email that he is intimidated by her and doesn't always feel comfortable talking to her because she cuts him off. In her email she actually said: "I listened to him (and walked with him) quite a bit on the trip yesterday, but even then it would be something he had already told me, or he would begin talking when the guide was talking to us or I wasn't quite finished with someone else and he would begin. It is very awkward sometimes on how to respond to him." Wow lady. He is 9 1/2, likes to talk, and on occasion gets excited and interrupts. In your 20 years of teaching is the first time you have come across this? Or are you just completely on the defensive and need to take a dig at a kid to make yourself feel better? I could go on, but I won't because it makes me want to send her an email saying: "You are a really big bully to all the kids in your class and the parents. But guess what lady? My child has never caused problems or gotten in trouble in your class. He does his homework and gets good grades. I am the class parent and have shelled out countless amounts of money and made sure everything is always taken care of for class events whether I can be there or not. I feel really bad for the children who are trouble makers, get bad grades, and have slacker parents. I wonder how you treat those poor kids, because you treat MY CHILD like crap"

I am giving myself a day before I respond, but I will respond. I am printing the emails and bringing them to talk to the Principal on Monday. I realize it will make no difference but it will make me feel better. If I had my choice Jake would only be back in his school long enough to pack up his desk, but there are laws on how many days you have to be in school and how much notice you have to give before you can home school. In the meantime we are literally counting down the days until school is over. There are 23 left. He still technically has 5 days he can miss so we will use them if we have to. On the last day we will throw a party that will rival the Royal wedding and we will be happy as can be. Until then I will cry myself to sleep on most nights, and toss and turn and feel an overwhelming guilt that I am making my child spend 7 hours of his day with Satan's Sister. That may be a little dramatic, but it did make me smile and I needed that. :) I am sure at some point she was an adequate teacher, but she is burnt out now. And Heaven knows that all 9 and 10 year old's and their parents are horrible, idiotic, and slack people so I guess I should cut her some slack. :) Now I feel even better. I have been called a doormat before and I admit I most definitely am-but this week I wasn't...It seems easier at times to be a doormat-but not when it comes to my baby. My mother bear instincts are lethal women, and you are messing with the wrong cub! :) Am I terrified of coming face to face with her because I finally told her how I feel? You bet I am...

Could my life be so much worse? Absolutely! I could have lost my home or worse yet loved ones in one of the horrible tornado's that hit our country this week. Some one in my family could have a terminal illness. We could be homeless. It can always be worse-I realize that and I thank my Heavenly Father every day for all he has blessed me with. But at this particular moment I needed to let it all out, feel a moment of pity for myself and family, and now I can move on. I am not proofreading this so ignore my ramblings if they make no sense...
Ahhhh. I feel so much better now.
Blogging is so much cheaper than therapy.
Okay, I am done.

Venting...

This is the email we got from Jake's teacher last night as a reminder for the field trip today. This is actually one of her nicer emails. I copied and pasted from my email...

I have not received all the promised snacks for our trip tomorrow. PLEASE make sure you bring yours if you committed.
REMEMBER......CHECK THE WEATHER
BE ON TIME
EAT BREAKFAST
BE ON TIME
GO POTTY (WE WILL GO HERE AS WELL)
HEADPHONES WITH GAMES
BE ON TIME
BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR
BE ON TIME
BE ON TIME
HAVE A GOOD TIME

AND, OH, BE ON TIME (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.....:)

(The smiley face makes you think she may actually be nice or joking. She's not.) Guess who was supposed to be there at 5:45 but didn't show up until 6:03? The rude lady who sent the email. Guess how many parents were not happy about the email to begin with (if she were a nice and friendly teacher it wouldn't be a big deal...Like I said this is one of her nicer emails.) and really weren't happy when she showed up late with out even an apology? All of us. Guess who had to get off the bus and use the restroom before they could leave-after she told all the kids to go to the bathroom, "I don't care if you went at home! WE ARE ALL GOING AGAIN BEFORE WE LEAVE (the caps are her rude voice)!"...If you guessed Jake's teacher you are right. 6 more weeks...I thought it was 5, but I was wrong again....And now I am done venting.

Friday: Egg hunt and Spring Break Kick off!

...Hold on! One picture before I get to Friday! Jake was player of the day 2 days in a row for "First in Math" (an online way to practice math skills. It counts as 2 grades a period). They get to wear a fancy necklace...I of course had to take a picture of it...Wait this may actually be a picture from Friday...Yep, same Star Wars shirt from the other pictures. That was the day he had to bring it back to school...AWESOME JOB DUDE!
On Friday, I slipped out of work early so I could hide Easter eggs and help with Jake's class Spring treat. The kids searched for 3 eggs: one with their name on it and 2 with the answers to questions they had to answer before the hunt. I loved this idea, but I can't give credit to Jake's teacher. She got the idea, questions, and answers from another 4th grade teacher. I am not even going to go into being there in Jake's class...It is the same it always is..Okay I will go into it a little. I was getting to the school in enough time to spend the last 15 minutes of lunch with Jake before hiding the eggs. On my way to the cafeteria I happened to see one of Jake's class mates who told me they were eating lunch in their class room...?...They were all rushing to finish some work their teacher had to have them finish before Spring Break so they did it while eating lunch. As I walked into the room Jake looked so stressed out and just about on the verge of tears. I sat at his teachers desk while they finished and Mrs. P complained to me about how none of them had finished the in class project...Hmmm...None of them did? She either has a class full of slackers or didn't give them enough time to finish...*Sigh*. Enough venting...There is much more but it isn't worth stressing over any more. It is what it is...I whispered to Jake not to worry about it (he didn't get his finished the way he wanted to...they had to rush through it and he was worried about his grade), and just have fun at the egg hunt. I am not going to worry about it that is for sure! Just 6 more weeks and this will be over!!!...I spent Thursday night (after the Primary Presidency meeting at my house) stuffing the eggs and writing the names and answers on them.
This is a picture of Jake searching...Can you see he is still stresses out? I told him not to worry about it. He did his best and now he just needed to have fun...So, he did. So much that I never even got another shot of him hunting because he was running all over the place! :)


Jake and his new best bud, Connor. (Ken hasn't shown the reform he promised Jake after the last "incident", so they are just kind of friends. Ken keeps calling everyone names, so Jake is being nice to him, but not hanging out with him as much. We think that is a good decision. He hangs out and plays with Connor and Kayla the most now.) That is the smile I like to see-not the stressed out face!
At home we kicked off Spring Break by having a slumber party in Jake's room on Friday night. (The mattresses are still on the floor, from when his cousins slept in his room 2 weeks ago...I have vacuumed the part of the floor unoccupied by them...) Aaron had to leave for work at 9:00 pm, so he missed the slumber part of the party. We didn't go to bed until 11:00...I was ready at about 9:30 but Jake wanted to make Lego people and play, so we did! The sleeping arrangements (I was supposed to sleep on Jake's bed...):
Jake created this spaceship/robot/...a lot of other things that was pretty cool.
This is a before of Jake's very unorganized shelves...We will have a follow up of how it looks after we reorganize it this week. This is how Jake wanted to pose for the picture. :)
Sadie even brought in her rope toy to chew on while we played. The pillow was a divider so she couldn't (in theory) eat any Lego's...Some how she ended up underneath it...
Meet "Jake", Jake's Lego guy who is an inventor/bounty hunter.
Last year I did a post about our first Lego girl we named "Rachel" (after Rachel Ray, one of Jake's crushes from his younger years) and I said how I would love her hair. Well, move over Rachel! I am all about Hermione Granger's hair now. (Hermione from Harry Potter...if you live under a rock and don't know who she is).
This is "Jane". She is a Warrior-Ninja-Princess. (The head and hair are Hermione...I think the body/outfit is Prince of Persia...maybe. We haven't seen the movie but the Lego set was on sale at Christmas time and was very cool. I thought it made a pretty great warrior-ninja-princess outfit.) How awesome is her hair?...and she never has to do anything to it.
This was a ball all in one piece when we started playing...Puppy teeth are lethal, I am telling you.
Sadie ended up working her way over to see what we were doing...She moved on to her teddy bear at this point (it is hard to see in the picture, but she is chewing on it on my lap...It is dark blue and she is black, so it all kind of blends together...)
Jake moved to another area...so Sadie did too. At about this time I gave up and said I was going to bed. I started out in Jake's bed and he was on the floor with Sadie...That lasted about 5 minutes and we switched. Sadie slept the whole night...lucky girl. She is used to sleeping in her crate so I was afraid she might get up and wonder (and maybe pee...) but she didn't...I know this because I think I woke up every 20 minutes to make sure. I woke up at one point to her over on my mattress curled up next to me. :) We had a great slumber party and are looking forward to our camp out in the back yard on Monday night!...Oh man that is tomorrow night isn't it...I better get to sleep...I love this picture. Sadie is so intrigued by Jake. :)

Another one of those mornings...Brain declutter...

*I never did get around to blogging this weekend...But I did cut my grocery bill in half thanks to coupons, store deals, and my 10% off for being an employee (we get 10% off once a month). Coupons rock!

*Well, we have started the week off by sleeping in...Last night as I went to bed I realized I left my cell phone in the sunroom...where Sadie was already sleeping. No big deal. Jake always wakes me up at a little past 6 right before my alarm goes off any way. Yes, it is true I could have set an alarm on the alarm clock but then I just wake up every hour to check the time and see if the power went off, which means the alarm won't go off...I have issues with alarm clocks...The only trustworthy alarm clocks are cell phones and children...Except this morning. We woke up when Aaron came in the door from work at 6:58...We leave for school at 7 (or we are supposed to)...How is it that we made it to school in time, and most mornings we have at least 45 minutes to get ready and the last 10 of those are usually me on the verge of yelling (or maybe I yell just a little...)? We made it in time with no time to get ready...

*I hardly ever wear lipstick. I did the other day. This is what I learned from that experience: If you do a load of wash with lipstick in the pocket of your pants it is not a big deal...It is when you put it in the dryer that it becomes a problem. I have to go buy Jake a new white shirt for church. I really hope it comes out of my khaki pants...

*Mandatory meetings at 8:30 on Saturday morning for work really should start on time...Why Saturday morning any way? It didn't start until around 9:20...

*I held a baby yesterday. For 2 hours. Charlie is his name. I am in the Primary Presidency and his mom was helping with singing time. He is so sweet. He feel asleep and was cuddled up on my shoulder. I thought about kidnapping him, but his mom knows where we live so it wouldn't have worked any way. :)

*Sleeping in on a Monday morning=crazy puppy. Sadie usually wakes up early with us and is ready for her morning nap shortly after I get back from dropping Jake off. I play with her in the backyard or take her on a walk and she is ready for a snooze. Not this morning. That extra hour of sleep translated into a broken bowl. It broke after she ate her breakfast out of it and did a victory lap around the room at top speed. She took the corner to sharp, slide across the floor, and sent the bowl sliding across the tile floor. It then bounced off the wall and broke...

*I have been saying extra prayers for all the people in Japan....And in the Middle East...I had a hard time getting out of the car on Friday to go to work because I was listening to the events on the radio. Customers gave us updates through out the day...

*A note to Tina (my sister who just promised her son Saku a dog). You have to REALLY love dogs to survive the puppy stage. I love dogs with all my heart. Puppies are adorable!...but they are just like having a baby with sharp teeth, that can run around every where and go crazy when they are tired, not just cry. I love Sadie. I do. But she is insane at certain times of the day, and that is normal for puppies. Tina, you have 4 children and one of them is 2. GET A DOG NOT A PUPPY. That is just my advice to you. You can take it or leave it.

*Jake's teacher is not my favorite person...I have mentioned this before but I just needed to vent one thing she said last week that sums up how she is as a teacher. Jake came home and said "Mommy you HAVE to make sure you proof read this story for me. Mrs. Blank (that's not her name...But I am a little scared she may stay up at night searching for her name on the web and stumble upon my blog...she scares me a little...and yet we send our child to spend 7 hours of his day with her...) said if there is one misspelled word in any of our papers she will email our parents and tell you that you must not be able to spell."....I asked if she was joking and he said no she was serious and said it grumpily (that is how she talks 99.9% of the time). I have another story I could tell you about a paper that I had to come help Jake search through his desk for that she had the whole time, but I won't get into the whole thing. :) I don't like public school...at all. Which reminds me, has anyone watched "Waiting for Superman"? If not you should. It is a documentary about public schools and it is...scary and informative. It is everything we already knew about the public school system in America but with the statistics to back it up. Aaron said the only the part he wished they would have focused on more was the solution to the problem. I cried at some parts of it. You will too. If you have children in the public school system than you MUST watch it.

...I have to go now. Sadie just got a hold of on of my shoes...Remember Tina: DOG NOT PUPPY. You will thank me for it later. :)